What I really think about // Illumi Run 2014

You. You got together with her and I'm the last to know? Such great friends. Well, thank you. You're such a great friend. I know that we are not that close but still. You are the one who liked me in the past. Which is about 10 months ago? How do I know if you really did like me before? You and her. Tch. Seriously. And you even asked if she could join us for dinner that day? Oh please. I'm really glad that she didn't come. But I also feel bad that something happened in her family. But do you really have to purposely show me that you bought movie tickets to watch with her but she couldn't make it? Really? In front of my mum too? You're the only one I told about that guy and I feel that you are trying to get me to be together with him no matter what. Seriously. Let me be who I really want to be. How I really feel. Also, I really do not like this feeling of loosing a close friend. I don't even think I have a best friend. Or even a good friend. One that I can really rely on, and even to talk to when I'm down.
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Yesterday, I went for Illumi Run! Love the paint. Although it felt so slimy and gross, its fun! I really enjoyed my time. However, I don't really think I like the part where it was the after party. I think that it is quite dumb tho. Well, he told me that his friend had paint in his mouth the day before and I told him that I was tempted to buy a mask to cover my mouth so I won't be getting any into mine. HEHE. However, I had some on my lip. It sucked. ): What I enjoyed was when I told them to spray the paint onto me, they really did it! I really love that. My shirt was mostly orange. That's the only colour where I was able to get them to spray the most for me. And, the guys kept cleaning the paint on me because I said that I wanted my shirt to be colourful. HAHA. Especially when Jia Yang had green paint sprayed on him the most, he kept cleaning it on my neck. Oh gawd. Really? On my neck?! HAHA. And Aloysius looked like he had orange snot. That was the funniest one ever. We did the neon makeover too! We got them to draw strips for us on our cheewks. hehe. CHEEKS! We didn't run at all. But we saw lots of our secondary school friends but they didn't even say hi to us. like WHATTT. -.- so mean. Who cares. I don't give a shit if you don't want to recognise your ex-schoolmate. So what? Well, I had fun. Yeaps.. That's that. And also, Aloysius, Jia Yang, Ryan and I went to the airport to pick Jiaming(Aloysius's girlfriend) who came back from her overseas trip with her school. We met her mum there too! Well, we were there from around 12.30am till 2am I guess. Her mum is so cute. HAHA. She's so friendly too. ("; Well, after that, we went home together since Jia Yang and Ryan was staying over at Aloysius's house. And I reached home at about 2.20 I guess. I slept at around 3 to 4 tho. So tired.

Now, I have to study. I'm having my Mid-semester test in 1 week and I'm having my Japanese CDS class test this Thursday! I'm so screwed. Not even prepared for any of this!!! ): xoxo

I hate it.

Well well well... How do I feel right now? Like a pile of shit. The feeling of being lonely on such days... Trusting friends to share some secrets? Well, I don't get to know about the secrets. But instead, I get to know it last. And the most importantly, betrayed. I thought we were close friends? And we were in the same situation? Well, I don't think I can ever trust you again. This. Shall be the last time. Why am I so stupid to even trust you in the first place? Why? You and her together? I thought you were still in the phrase where you just like like her and not already like being together with her already. Honestly, being told that you guys are together is a little shock to me right now. But the thing that I do not like about is you and her wanting to have dinner with me and the rest just for her to let her know us better. Sorry to say this but, I'll definitely be putting my shield up. And to be honest, I don't like it that it is because you said you like me in the past and I rejected you and that is the reason why she is here. I hate it. I don't like such feelings. It makes me feel like a close friend of mine is being taken away from me. That is what I don't like the most about. What else? I just don't want to accept it I guess... Me saying that I'm fine with her coming for dinner is a lie. Its a big lie. I do not want that. I dislike the thought of it. Why? Why should she even come? I don't really like her. Like. What is nice about her? I just don't get it. Am I being jealous? Yes I guess you can say that. Friends around me getting together. And me, here alone. Not even sure about my feelings if I even like him... I think its just me being afraid of being judged by people... And that is what I do not like about the most. I kind of like his company at times. Just like today. We hung around at KFC chatting a little about school. Right now, what I'm afraid is that the seniors will be saying stuff about us being together. Well, they kind of know that he likes me? But they do not know that he likes likes me... And also, a problem I'm having now is what to get him for his Christmas gift. He ordered mine already. I really think its Baymax. hahah. I think he got me a soft toy. If I'm not wrong? But I don't know what to get for him. Sighpie. Life is tough. xoxo

Hi. I seriously feel that sometimes, I just can't control my anger and feelings... Friday. Yes. On Friday. During the CCA chalet, I already felt pissed at some times. For example people raising their volume in a small room and forcing me to play the game even if I do not want to. Honestly, it annoys me a lot when people keep secrets to themselves and never shares it with me. It makes me feel as though I'm not their friend and also that they are talking bad about me. It probably is because of what had happened to me when I was young... But all I can say is that when I do something to others, I seriously fucking hate it that they do it back to me. Especially when all I did was just simply trying to play a fool for example grabbing the opposite team's hand attempting to cheat. Well, apparently that is what pissed me off the most on Friday during training. Or should I say after training when we are playing a game of dodge ball. So, apparently all I did was attempt to cheat by holding her hand for a while. But what she did was grabbing both my hands and twisting it. Fuck. She is older and stronger than me and I could totally feel the pain when she did that and I was trying to get my hand out when she was twisting it. IT FUCKING HURTS OKAY. So after that, I was totally annoyed and pissed at her and the whole entire game and had a pissed off look for long time. I felt anger. I wanted to cry out how angry and fed up I was... But everyone was having fun. Lots of fun. Besides me of course. What can I say? "I don't want to play anymore" and the next thing they will say to me is "why?" how am I suppose to reply? Stella twist my hand to block me when I grabbed her hand to block her? And all they will be asking will be who started it first. Of course I will be the one in trouble. So I held it in. And after a few rounds, we changed game. I was still pissed. So we played Captains Ball. I know that I shouldn't be playing rough like pushing people but what can I do? Charlene wants to play that way. And I know that she will do it that way even if we didn't talk about it. So I played that way first. But what's next? Them pushing, hitting and snatching. Of course I will get annoyed and I will flare up. Apparently I flared up. Great. Thanks to them. Like much thanks. I shouted out because I felt very annoyed. Next. I feel like a burden to people or should I say, to everyone. Its been a few days where I have this in my mind. "How am I suppose to know more friends?", "I'm horrible at making friends.","I have a horrible attitude","will I ever meet someone I like?" and "What is love?" I should be knowing more guys. My friends are so close with most of them. And here I am being a little loner. Not communicating with them. Being lost. Being the last of all. All I can say is that I really want to know someone who is perfectly fine with who and how I am. But I just can't. I've been thinking about such thoughts for the past few days. Also, during the CCA Chalet, I was really tempted to get myself drunk. Yes. I know... Not legal yet... Yes. But its the temptation. I am really tempted to get myself drunk and see how I am when it happens. I really want to know about it. But. I'm afraid. Afraid of many things. Lots of things. People hating me. People judging me. And more... Its difficult for me. I'm afraid of making mistakes. Afraid of embarrassing myself. Just why can't I be good at something. I don't even find myself attractive. Friends keep saying that I am. I don't think so. I want to lose weight. But I have no motivation. I want to achieve something. But I always give up halfway. Should I just give up on everything? Love? Friends? I have no idea what I want. I really don't. I feel very lost all the time. Hoping that one day, I'll be able to know what I really want. And to find someone I really like. XOXO

TEEN TOP(틴탑)_Missing(쉽지않아) MV

loving my boys so much. @TEEN_TOP #틴탑 #쉽지않아

hoping that they will be able to get 1st for this comeback. lots of love

xoxo

competition

won PLMGS
nxt is AHS.
HWAITING!



XOXO,



ha0han_!♥!★

I MADE A PROMISE TO VENETIA TAT I WILL NOT TOK/CHAT/SMS WENGHONG FOR A MONTH
HAHA! ;P I CAN DO IT!
TODAAY:::>>>
helped mark make his blog DONE! ;D
hahas. tmr napfa. ;( jiayous! ;D
bye/ gtg. ;DD



XOXO,



ha0han_!♥!★

hello. just now posted in sch wif leen.
huang laoshi was standing behind us. so we like cannot really post. ;D
hahas. nvm.now freeee~~ le. ;D
after sch, at 12.30, wwent to TM. go art serve. order class teeeee!!! :D happy happy
hahas. ordered.. had much fun. bought earings. ;D hahas. bye bye. btw, i met James &&
Weiming. ;D hahas. james grew sideways... weiming still the same... ;D haha. ;D byebye/ ;D



XOXO,




ha0han_!♥!★